Well it is Saturday morning and I can feel myself slipping into a self pity comma. Which I have a tendency to do when things are not going as well as expected. I have plateaued and it has not been pretty, then to top if off my knees and hips are feeling the pain from the running I have been doing.
This journey has been very physical and now I think I am really fighting the mental part of weight loss. I know I can do it, and I know I just have to push forward, but I really just want to throw in the towel and say forget it. I think my dear hubby is seeing it too, so he is going out of his way with support, (nagging) but he has turned into the running Nazi!. I don't even have a chance to go to the bathroom with hearing..."Did you run today?" "What time are your running?" Or this is the best, "If you run now we can go to the store together." (no offence but really two choirs that a dread..that's enticing. ASSHAT!) I know I should look at this as the real support it is but it is just pissing me off!!
I am working desperately on making life changes, this includes balancing life with exercise and all the other things that have to get done in a timely fashion. I AM NOT MAKING EXCUSES, I am stating the fact, dinner should be done by 5-6 not 9 at night, and bed time for Seth should start 8:30 not two min before 9.
See the one thing the dear Nazi doesn't realise that as the MOM you don't get the luxury of free time, Me time, or lets get skinny time. Not in this freaking house. If the Nazi comes home to a house that is not clean, or dishes aren't done, I get to hear about how I did nothing all day, if the laundry has been put away or I get to hear about that too..Then I get to hear "did you run?"
Don't get me wrong people, its not like Sleeping with the Enemy or any crazy shit like that but, it does make me feel like I am not the wife he expected, I mean hell with all the support I can tell I obviously don't look like the wife he expected. BOTTOM LINE>>I hate failing, I hate feeling like a failure..And now I am stuck in self pity mode which pisses me off even more! But how do you survive with someone, if they think they are better then you, you are supposed to be equals... If you are out there and you feel me pain, and have some words of wisdom please share them...
Tonight> I am getting trashed, and tomorrow no more self pity, we are moving to anger and vengence!