Tape results are in

So I know a I am few days behind, and the amazing thing is that I didn't think people were listening or reading.  But as soon as I fell behind, I got bombed with e-mails.  So I apologize.  Some how this week I got a life.  Unfortunately I think this past week I would have traded it with a homeless person.

Anyway, so I am back on track.  I did weigh in on my regularly scheduled Tuesday and I even bought a new slot machine from hell.  However right after the weighed in I took the fucking thing right back to the store.  Not because it lied, (which I am sure it did)  but I bought one without a battery, the dial kind.  Well the freaking dashes are so small I can not tell if i lost any weight. And to be honest I need to know down to the freaking ounces..otherwise I will fall right back to my pathetic ways.  If I lean forward it moves, and if I crouch down apparently I am five pounds heavier.  Must be something to do with compression of fat weighs more them long stretched out fat.  (if you believe that,  I have some ocean front property to sell you in Kansas)

I took the freaking thing back cuz it said in two weeks I had not lost a pound.  Side note: People how do you work not stop, barely eat, barely sleep and not loose weight.  Then I moved on to the tape test.  Which I have been dreading, cuz without exercise I really, highly doubt to see a difference.  I am hopeful but I am not stupid.  So I drag out the clothe tape, start at the bottom and work my way up.  Recording every step along the way.  Then I flip the page to the previous month.  I couldn't believe it I had lost a total of an inch and half.  (shut up shut up!!) I know it is not a lot and divided into three places really not alot.  But it is something and I am freaking taking it. 

So my goal next week after I catch my breath>  back to my exercise routine and a dye job, my roots look bad!

Getting caught up

Well it has been a few weeks since my last post and I am dreading my next one.  I just returned from out of state for Chicken Flats  I worked a total of 93 hours in one week.  Let me just vent for a moment, bare with me. 

There are 168 hours in a full week.  If 93 of those I was working; that would leave 75 hours in the week for eating, and sleeping.  I would say I spent about 4 hours a day at the hotel doing my laundry, cooking or just watching a little tv. Or visiting venting to other chicken flat people about how freaking tired I was.  So now my 75 hours left in week are now down to 47.

On Saturday night I did go to bed early and slept in for a full 9 hours of straight sleep. So stay with me people that means the remain 38 hours of the week were dedicated to sleep and was divided into 6 days averaging 6.3 hours a sleep a night.  Not crazy bad right?  Here is that kicker.  Take those 6 hours a night and throw in 10 red eye flights a night at the freaking international airport located right next door!!!  Who the fuck flys at 3:30 am...what the hell is so important that you must leave town at that hour.  Jesus Christ even murders, who are trying to escape, don't sneak out at 3:30 in the freaking morning!  Air lines should go green.  Save the freaking jet fuel.  You can not tell me that all ten flights a freaking night are full.  There is no possible freaking way!  RED EYES SHOULD BE OUTLAWED.

Then I come home and the rat race begins.  Then to top it off tomorrow is weigh in and tape day.  And my freaking scale finaly bit the dust.  So I have to get a new one.  But here is the crap thing, what if it has been wrong the entire time.  What if I haven't lost a pound?  Crap!!!

Okay lets think possitivly maybe I am really 40lbs lighter than what I thought?  Then I would only have 20lbs to my goal.  YEAH!  (like that will happen).

SHUT UP!

So like I said earlier this week, things were not going well with the flood and all.  But I kept moving forward.  I successfully managed 10 seven-year old children pumped full of sugar and excitement through a party and a movie.  Sounds easier said then done.  You feed 10 kids soda, cake, and prizes and ask them to sit quietly.  It wasn't my smartest choice but it didn't totally blow up in my face.  Amazingly enough it was the cheapest party I ever through. 

You know I don't ever recall my parents spending money on any of my birthday for a parties.  I am pretty sure that it was frowned upon and thought of as a frivolous expense.  I used to think my parents where just cheap, and perhaps not that thoughtful, however I am starting to see that perhaps they were right.  Birthdays should be with family, involve little money, and perhaps one small gift.  To think I still have 11 more of these to throw! 

Anyway, I was smart about the cake, I ordered cupcakes, first off because it is so much easier and second of all portion control.  Then I went one step further, I ate carrots before we left so I was full and didn't even think of cake.  Although 16 trips walking kids to the bathroom did help with the hoovering around the food problem I seem to have.

I spent much of Sunday loafing and self-medicating my losses from the flood.  Then the rat race for Chicken Flat's started on Monday and hasn't stopped.  However I did make time to do my weekly weigh in.  I was totally prepared for utter and complete failure.  This week was so crazy, I promised myself if I had gained any weight back, that I would shake it off and move forward.  Well Ladies and Gents...I jumped on my slot machine form hell and screamed, "SHUT UP!!!"  Two and half pounds had disappeared in my week from hell.  Just to be on safe side I proceeded to get on the scale five more times..I did the same thing when I found out I was a prego..5 tests and $70.00 later I figured they were right.

>>Perhaps I han an OCD issue I am unaware of?  One problem at a time I guess.

WTF!

So I started this week with a glimmer of hope, not because I did so well last week but because my super duper hubby put a note on my success board to "stay positive"  Although he pretends not to care, I know he does..plus it is a bonus to him if I reach my goal.  He will no longer be the trophy wife. 

Anyway started the week, but then reality set in, I try not to let work affect my home life, nor do I try to write about it but lets just say where I work...lets call it "Chicken Flat"  for poetic licnensing sakes.  Any way Chicken Flats takes up a lot of time, and lately they have been under massive changes and somehow I have become a big part of some of those changes.  Even though I am so far down on the freaking pole, it is up to me to put all the pieces together and the stress this week is driving me insane.  I wish I was one of those people who get stressed out and loose weight but I am totally the freaking opposite.  So my guess come this Tuesday...all my sweet success will end up right down the freaking drain.  But I still was trying to remain positive and had the weekend to look forward to.  Cuz this weekend was my son's birthday, and like the cool mom I am, I made sure to have the best invites, the coolest party, the neatest cake, and prizes.  Then I even managed to plan a cool party for his class while am I am away for work, opening more freaking Chicken Flats. ( If you know where I work, I am sure you are lying on the floor laughing and are totally cracking up on my word play...LOL)

But even through all that..still positive.  Until it started to rain, and rain, and rain.  Then the worst this that could possibly happen happened!!  I lost my Internet connection..so as I furiously drag my ass down a flight of stairs ready to scream about not being able to log on FB.  I realize, i lost my connection because the basement, of my brand smacking newly built house is flooding!!  OMG...OMG.... what to do.  I frantically ran around like a nut thinking that is i ran so fast that the wind and hot air coming from my mouth as I screamed would some how dry all the water that was pouring into my beautiful home. 

So needless to say after 16 hours of bailing water, and mopping and drying and crying I realized that GOD hated me and my true friend must be the devil; because he is the only one that could see the light in any of this. So no work out, not dieting this weekend..I will be self medicating my losses and trying to figure out how to take water to hell with me to repay the favor!

Week 2 is over!

So today is my accountability day.  The day I dread of the entire week.  I know that the moment I step on my slot machine from hell that nothing else matters, no excuses, no reasoning, no justification just simple, basic math.  Either subtraction or the dreaded addition. 

First off let me just say it concerns me that after the first week in and I felt like giving up, then I saw the light but the very next day...nothing, I used none of the energy positively.  I always said I failed at dieting and losing weight because I became discouraged to easily.  When the truth of the matter is, I am pretty sure I just don't push myself hard enough.  My dear husband; who can loose wight by thinking about it, told me every night go do something..but once again I found excuse after excuse.

So now here I am going to stand on this stupid machine and see the truth.  He was right and I was wrong, of course if he asks I can always blame it on water weight or something. 

So I jump on and ...crap...crap...SHIT...DAMN!.  He was right and I was wrong.

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!! 

I did loose a pound, but now I have to listen to him for the next week.  I could always say it is a proven fact that for some reason week two is the hardest to loose weight.  Gillian on Biggest Looser said so herself, many contestants fall off the wagon after week two because they don't realize that their body has adjusted to the shock and needs to be shocked again.  ( I really thought that was a bunch of crap, but I guess you can't look like her and not know things like that.)

So I begin Week 3:  Mantra this week..shock the soul!

Same old

This week has moved by so slowly and has been a total bore it is quite depressing.  I spent the work, over stressed about work, attempting to make progress in the house with unpacking boxes.  But I have managed to do absolutely nothing.  The sad worst thing is I haven't bothered to keep up with any work outs.  Well strike that, I have done my crunches, because lately laying around seems to be my thing this week.  But I really need to do some cardio. 

I thought for sure I would be able to motivate myself with the small success that I had last week, but the weather this week has gotten me down, and I can not find the energy to get back up.  Even with my skipper meds.  I know come weigh day I am gonna have gained my success back and it is gonna totally piss me off. 

Maybe I need to find a hypnotist..someone that can put a positive spin on things...I keep trying to remember somethings one of my friends sent me to keep me going...but the only thing it has done is keep my head out the fridge..so I guess it is a start.  "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"  Thanks David for the reenforcements..I will keep pressing on!!

How do you like me now!!

Yesterday was the dreaded day of the week.  Weigh in day.  I was not feeling very optimistic considering I tried the first week and saw nothing.  So I did it, I jumped on my slot machine from hell and could not believe it. Three and half pounds.  Yeahhhh, I was only a half a pound behind now.  I knew if I could just focus and put some direction in to what I was doing.  I would be successful.  I spent the rest of the day ecstatic.  Thinking now don't blow it and celebrate with something like ice cream.  All day long I was on cloud nine three pounds!! If I keep it up I could possible hit my goal with out my handicap!

I plastered my success all over my fridge as a reminder, then...it happened.  That creep monster that lives in my head telling me.." three pounds, big deal"  I started thinking was it just the scale again.  Or was it just water, what happens tomorrow if the three pounds is back like some freaking clip out of the movie Ground Hog Day.  Will I ever escape the yo-yo? 

So I cleared my head and decided to watch a little mindless TV.  Of course what was on, Biggest Looser, which I used to find inspiring, but now I find terrible depressing that these people drop 10-15 pounds a week.  (I know they are working out and have trainers)  But still i would kill for 15 pounds in a week. 

So I changed the channel, next up Ffifteen and Heavy...great another show about obesity.  Change the channel again..special on the Carpenter's (eating disorder).  Change the channel again, Intervention...another eating disorder special.  Continue surfing, maybe a movie, What's eating Gilbert Grape?   Really! Come on, I think GOD secretly looks down and laughs at me. 

One last surf....American Dad.  Great now some mindless TV then I can go back to feeling good about my small but certain success.  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME...it is the episode when the son make friends with the freakishly large 500lb neighbor with an eating disorder!!!

"Click"- no TV for me..perhaps it was a sign.  To my room for crunches!