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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Moments of Impact

          I watch a movie the other day called the VOW; really just because I wanted a chick flick as well as a good excuse to cry and have wine.  If you have not seen the movie I won’t ruin it for you, but I do have to talk about it.  It was a basic story about a couple who loved each other, and due to a car accident she could not remember him or that part of her life.  So he was forced to make her fall in love with him again.
          The movie took my by surprise, making me wonder about moments of impact in my life that have made me who I am. (I sometimes wonder if it was not for movies would I not have any self-reflection, totally pathetic right.)  I decided that I would take some time and write in my club journal for my friend some of the things that had impacted my life and perhaps it would help me on this journey of finding myself again.  It was a lot harder trying to define moments of impact than I thought it would be.  At first I thought sure this would be easy, marriage, kid, house, were times.  But then I thought harder, those choices did not make me the person I am, so what did?   
          I remember before I met my husband, that I was going to be the first female fighter pilot, but some chick beat me to it. (She did crash into an aircraft carrier a year later)  Not because she was a woman, but they made sure to report it.  It did not stop me though; I thought I could still do it.  Well as you all know, I work at “chicken flats” so nope I did not grow up to be a fighter pilot, turns out you need really good eyesight, and Lasik had not be out yet. But I don’t think that shaped who I would become.  So what was it, what made me become the person I am, or the person I was going to be?
          I met my future husband not shortly after that though.  I know he was a moment of impact.  There was something about the way he looked at me, right into me.  A stare that made me want to be a better person.  He would see all the things I would be and could become before I would.  He had a subtle way of telling me the truth always. (Which years later I would grow to despise)  I really thought I was my own person and that I could take on the world, but truth be told if he wasn’t there I am pretty sure I would have crumbled like a house of cards years ago.
          Second moment of impact:  buy out family business, or risk starting my own career.  This was an easy choice for me but perhaps it shaped me more than I know.  I grew up working in family business.  I never really saw anyone in my family happy.  They were always working, never took and vacation and it was a struggle to make the business say afloat.  So why would I want that, I made the choice that I would work in a Corp. of some sort. A business large enough provide stability that owning your own business could not.  (Hence the capitalist and republican that I have become.)
          Third moment of impact: Death of my Father.  My dad had always been the glue of our family.  His death was devastating.  Although it was not a surprise for he was not the healthiest of men, however he was young when he left this earth.  I had suffered loss before and it never really phases me, but this one shaped me for years.  Not sure if it was his death or the fact that I had to make the choice for him that fazed me more.  His death had me questioning all the faith I had ever knew, my choices I had made in my life, and the choices I was going to make in my future. So entwined in his death put me spiraling into a hole where I spent years which lead too
          Fourth moment of impact: marriage trouble and my journey. Facing the fact that you made mistakes is one thing, seeing them in the mirror and having them thrown at you every day is another. So I started a change, I climbed out of the hole only to be knocked down repeatedly, but I am still climbing out so I guess it will have to do. I will say this I am eager to see number five, and this time I think, I know when it happens I will remember it!  
          So what were your moments of impact that help get you to the next step in your life?  Please share them with me if you can, perhaps your stories will be my next moment of impact.