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Sunday, July 15, 2012

The second time around but who’s counting?
Well, I made it through week one of my 12 steps.  I am really luck to be going through this second time with a friend.  Strength really is in numbers, even if it is merely two.  This past week, my dear friend Nancy has decided to take this journey with me, and I am crazy proud of her!  This has been a battle we both have been fighting for so long, and secretly I think we have been both setting ourselves up for failure; but not anymore because we have each other to all each other out.
We, (she) has decided we should record this in our club books.  The book is to help us get out our fears, and goals, and even aguish.  I thought that is what my blog is for but let’s be honest; you can only go public with so many of your skeletons.  If I were to clean out of closet sort of speak in public I am pretty sure people would run and never look back. I told myself if I truly want to make changes I have to face some of my biggest fears and truths.  So I wrote them down.  The scary thing is we share the books, we trade them, so the other can hear our fears, and lend support.  I was crazy nervous when she read mine, but suddenly relieved when she said “I understand.”  It was weird, no judgment, no advice, just pure understanding and compassion. Something I had been craving for quite some time and until she said it I had not realized how long I had been searching for it.    I slept so good last night and felt so comfortable in my own skin for the first time in such a long time. 
I was really optimistic when I decide to jump on the demon scale and was terribly disappointed when it had not budged, but for the first time in a long time I did not feel defeated, I simple looked at the number as said, “It time to bring my game face!”  I am grateful for this blog; it has been an outlet for all my frustration and confusion, and place where I have received support when I really wasn’t looking for it.  I am sure this time around will be filled with ups and downs, times where I rise to the occasion and times where I lose my freaking mind, but this time I am prepared.  This time I have power in numbers!

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